“How can a woman hit a man?”, “Are you not a man?”, “Just ignore it, it’s nothing.” These are the responses many men hear when they try to talk about being abused. In a society where men are expected to be strong and emotionally unshakable, the idea of a man being physically harmed by his partner is often dismissed or mocked. Because of this, many male victims of domestic violence feel invisible, misunderstood and unable to speak.
Yet abuse does not discriminate. It happens quietly in apartments, in family homes and behind the polished images people post online. When it happens to men, many struggle to identify the signs, hesitate to talk to anyone or even question whether what they are going through is real. But it is real, and it matters. Below are six important things to do if your wife is physically abusing you.
1. Acknowledge That What Is Happening Is Abuse
Many men minimise the violence by blaming stress, calling it a one-time incident or convincing themselves that admitting it makes them weak. But physical violence in a relationship crosses a line that should never be crossed. Recognising it as abuse is not about accepting a label, it is about seeing the situation clearly so you can protect yourself. Silence protects abuse, and acknowledging it is the first step toward taking back control.
2. Report the Abuse if You Are in Immediate Danger
For many men, contacting the police feels frightening or embarrassing, especially when they fear they will not be believed. But reporting domestic violence is not a sign of failure, it is a step toward safety. If you are injured, frightened or if the violence is escalating, the police can help. Making a report does not automatically mean your wife will be arrested. It simply ensures there is an official record and gives you legal protection if things get worse.
3. Put Your Immediate Safety First
When violence occurs, your first priority is survival, not arguing or trying to calm the situation. Creating distance, stepping outside or removing yourself from rooms filled with dangerous objects is not cowardice. It is a practical way to protect yourself from further harm. Just as you would step away from any dangerous situation, you are allowed to move away from violence to keep yourself safe.
4. Document What Is Happening
Even if you are not ready to talk to anyone, quietly keeping a record can help you later. Writing down incidents, noting the dates, taking photos of injuries or saving threatening messages helps you stay grounded in reality. Abuse often creates emotional confusion that makes it hard to see patterns. Documentation brings clarity and may also help if you choose to take legal action in the future.
5. Confide in Someone You Trust
Abuse isolates people, and men especially tend to hide what they are going through out of shame or fear of being mocked. Talking to even one trusted friend or family member can lighten the emotional burden. You do not need to explain everything perfectly. Simply saying you do not feel safe at home is enough. A supportive person will listen without judgement and help you feel less alone.
6. Seek Professional Support and Create a Safety Plan
Many assume support services only exist for women, but there are organisations, therapists and helplines that assist male victims of domestic violence. A professional can help you understand your rights, think through your options and prepare a safety plan in case the situation becomes more dangerous. A safety plan does not mean leaving immediately. It simply means being prepared, just like keeping a first-aid kit in case of emergencies.
There is no single “right” way to feel when your wife becomes violent. You may feel ashamed, confused, afraid or even protective of her. These feelings are human, but they do not excuse the harm you are experiencing. Being a man does not mean tolerating violence or suffering in silence. You deserve safety, respect and peace in your own home. Taking steps to protect yourself is not weakness, it is self-respect and strength.
